You’re Probably Using These 7 Mental Health Terms Wrong

Image by @waldemarbrandt67w via Unsplash

Believe it or not, I actually think it’s a good thing when “therapy words” enter our common vocabulary — but only if we understand what those words actually mean. 

When it comes to mental health terms, it’s important that we know what we’re talking about. Otherwise, we water them down until nobody takes them seriously anymore, making it harder for people to find terms that describe their very real struggles. 

It’s not usually malicious, either. If you hear a word for the first time on TikTok, and the definition seems to make sense, then you might use that incorrect definition without thinking about it. It happens all the time, and not just with mental health words. 

(Side note: Don’t look up what “begging the question” means. Having that knowledge is a curse.) 

Anyway, here are eight mental health terms that people keep using incorrectly. 

1. Going Nonverbal 

What TikTok thinks it means: When you stop talking because you don’t feel like it anymore

What it actually means: Temporarily losing the ability to speak

Being nonverbal (or nonspeaking) isn’t a choice. But there’s some confusion because not every nonverbal person is nonverbal all the time. Some autistic people may go nonverbal when they get overwhelmed. People with selective mutism go nonverbal when anxious. 

However, just because some verbal people do “go nonverbal” doesn’t mean that it’s a choice. When somebody truly goes nonverbal, it’s not that they won’t speak. It’s that they can’t. 

You can’t just “go nonverbal” out of annoyance when people interrupt you too many times. You aren’t nonverbal if you’re struggling to jump into the conversation or if you just don’t have a lot to say. 

2. Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NVLD)

What TikTok thinks it means: being nonverbal (unable to speak) 

What it actually means: a learning disorder that impacts non-verbal skills 

Okay, I get the confusion over this one. It’s a confusing name. Upon first glance, I’d probably assume that NVLD is when a nonverbal person also has a learning disorder. 

NVLD got some extra attention recently, when Tim Walz’s son Gus showed visible pride for his dad, and then he was criticized by a bunch of adults. 

Gus’s family has shared that he has NVLD. Some people, rushing to Gus’s defense, have said things like “He’s nonverbal! Leave him alone!” 

The intentions were good, but the delivery was wrong. For one thing, all kids should be allowed to show emotions, and picking on any child is wrong. The presence or absence of a disability is irrelevant. And for another thing, Gus isn’t nonverbal. He has NVLD, but he’s not nonverbal. 

NVLD is a disorder that impacts the ability to learn non-verbal skills. In other words, it impacts skills that have nothing to do with vocabulary, reading, speaking, etc. Instead, it impacts skills like reading social cues or motor coordination. You might also think of it as a “non-academic learning disorder,” though this isn’t an official term. 

3. Overstimulated 

What TikTok thinks it means: getting annoyed by visual clutter or certain sounds 

What it actually means: pain, exhaustion, and/or extreme overwhelm caused by too much sensory information

I’ve seen a few neurodivergent people say that only neurodivergent people can get overstimulated. That’s not true. Anybody can get overwhelmed with sensory information. 

However, the “sensory threshold” for neurodivergent people — especially autistic people — is much lower than it is for most. A normal amount of stimuli for a neurotypical person can be way too much for a neurodivergent person. Hence my designated Grocery Store Earplugs. 

That said, some people confuse mild annoyance with being overstimulated, and then they use it to excuse their behavior. Like the TikTok that featured a woman throwing perfectly usable pots and pans into the garbage because she was, as she said, “overstimulated” by having too many things in the house. She implied that this was something she did often. 

Sure, visual clutter can contribute to overstimulation, but let’s not cheapen the experience by using it as a buzzword. And please, if you regularly reach this point, stop buying more pots and pans. 

4. Exposure Therapy 

What TikTok thinks it means: recklessly doing the thing you’re afraid of, or exposing an unconsenting person to something they don’t like 

What it actually means: a therapy modality that exposes the client to their fear in a gradual, safe, and controlled way 

This one should really say “what Reddit thinks it means,” but I like symmetry. 

Exposure therapy is a modality that can only be performed by a trained therapist. You can use techniques inspired by exposure therapy on yourself, sure. And you may have a lot of success with that if it’s the right choice for you. But true exposure therapy is a step-by-step process that involves a therapist and a consenting client. Which also means that you can’t perform exposure therapy on your unsuspecting partner. If that’s what you tell yourself you’re doing, you’re probably being abusive. 

5. Trauma Bonding 

What TikTok thinks it means: bonding with other people over a shared trauma

What it actually means: forming a strong emotional connection to one’s abuser due to a cyclical pattern of abuse

Let’s start with the positive on this one. The reason why we can misuse this term in the first place is because we’re more open to talking about trauma. And for people who have trauma, talking with those who share that trauma can indeed be a bonding experience. 

But “trauma bonding” and “bonding over trauma” aren’t the same. “Trauma bonding” is what some people may call “Stockholm syndrome.” It’s when a perpetrator causes somebody to form a deep emotional attachment to them because of their abuse. Sometimes it’s a romantic connection, but this can also include platonic or caregiver relationships. =

The perpetrator periodically abuses the victim (physically, emotionally, or sexually), and then switches to showing affection, giving gifts, and offering other forms of “kindness.” 

The cognitive dissonance can make the victim believe that the abuse was their fault, and the pain of the abuse can make the “kindness” seem especially generous by contrast. 

6. Intrusive Thoughts 

What TikTok thinks it means: impulsive but otherwise harmless thoughts 

What it actually means: involuntary, distressing thoughts about disturbing topics 

Real intrusive thoughts happen to almost everybody, and they feature things that we’re “not supposed to” think about. They can be violent, sexual, blasphemous, or otherwise taboo. Most people can let the thought pass and move on. Some conditions, like OCD or anxiety, can cause a person to feel intense shame or guilt over these thoughts, which can make them more persistent. 

By nature, intrusive thoughts are disturbing and unwanted. But TikTok has redefined “intrusive thoughts” as “thoughts that make me imagine impulsive or quirky things.” 

That TikTok creator didn’t “let the intrusive thoughts win” if they dyed their hair blue or ate a fistful of cake. They just did something impulsive. 

7. Mental Health 

What TikTok thinks it means: mental illness, especially depression  

What it actually means: a broad term that describes cognitive, emotional, and behavioral wellness 

This one gets on my nerves for reasons I can’t explain. And it’s subtle, which somehow makes it more irritating. I keep seeing phrases like “suffering from mental health” and “he has mental health,” and that’s not what mental health means. 

Because we all have mental health. No, I’m not saying that we all have depression. I mean that some people have good mental health, some people have bad mental health, some people have better mental health on some days than others. 

“Mental health” is a broad term, just like “health” is a broad term. It’s not a synonym for “mental illness” or “mental health struggle.” You can’t “suffer from mental health” any more than you can “suffer from health.”